The Calm Before the Storm

READ BEFORE YOU GO ON:there is nothing here to make you any wiser to the world. Nothing on this page will breed an intelligent idea out of your Mr. Planters pea-brain. This is a blog dedicated to eradicating the hatred within you and slamdunking that bad boy on your grandmothers glass coffee table, all the while puttin those dirty nikes ON the plastic. This is ignorance at its finest. This is road rage on a PCP binge. Im comin for mothers' heads and stayin high like a knotty dread. This is my outlet so that I don't fill my jawline with buckshot. If anyone's feelings happen to shatter like a bride walking in on her beloved pounding a bridesmaid in a wedding dress, so be it. My fortitude for grounding a hothead is unmatched. My determination for crushing your emotions are parallel by comparison only to a nine year old Asian DDR defending champion. This is chicken shit for the brain when you asked for chicken soup for the soul. Take what you can stand because I'm giving all the hatred that I can. Semper Fi. Hoorahhhhh bro. Hoo fuckin rah.

I've finally broken down. After much rallying by you all, I have decided that I will create a blog. For anyone that is a first time reader or anyone who doesn't know much about me, entertain this writing to be the precursor to your cognition's Apocalypse. Whatever has allowed you to schlep your unproductive never moving always snoozing carcass here, whether it be my god awful reputation, my cherubic yet oddly spot-on opinions on overweight women or bulimic floozies, or just simply because you enjoy seeing me take an Elephant-sized mind dump all over the toilet paper you use to pat off the child potty that is your brain. Welcome to the circus. Welcome to the shittalk. Welcome to the never ending abyss of self esteem squelching assessments and instances of taking you, me, and everything in between down a peg or two...or ten...whatever it takes to make you realize that you are the same steaming pile of shit that my dog delivered to the Earth this frosty morning. Welcome welcome welcome.

Whatever has brought you here, you should be sure to regret, no matter how much it makes you unknowingly toss Doritos down your chompers as you're rocking back and forth simultaneously laughing while contemplating if I am a heartless piece of mother nature's puzzle or if it is you that is the racist, sexist, anti feminist, anti humanist waste that just got a Bosnian lesbian lighting a *wo*man made fire under your ass. If a friend or a work cohort prodded you in my direction, make sure to cast heavy stones at their mothers the next time you see them. If you are just a regular John/Jane Doe that happened to find my site on your child's computer while you were searching for the homosexual erotica he/she may have, I would block this site immediately, for my words of unseen wisdom will be the big Mandingo dick your son has been quivering and aching over for so long/the venomous dagger spitting, black hole vagina that your angelic daughter has been contemplating Sinead'ing her hair out for. Do not expect to receive anything out of my writing except for tenderfoot ideals ignited by lots of marijuana and a short fuse all wrapped up in a brittle, big head little dick syndromed Humpty Dumpty shell that is a funny motherfucker who just doesn't shut his mouth for anything. If you've read this far, in spite of me saying I took a boo boo on your head, proclaimed my hatred for trolls, bleeding hearts, and anyone who makes a myspace survey (and managed to keep a smile on your face), you're probably here to stay. Tell ya friends and ya mammies. Break out the peanut butter and call Rover over, the tomfoolery is only beginning.

I'm doing this because everyone has a dream. Just ask Clark Dense up here.